Stories and insight in the world of showbiz and beyond.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

LLOYD THAXTON’S ROCK & ROLL ROAD SHOW TIME MACHINE


In 1961 I started building a Time Machine. This will answer your question about what I did during all those commercial breaks.

I was worried that in 40 years the teen-agers of the 60s would find it impossible to relate to popular music and could possibly succumb to mass states of depression created by an extreme lack of musical identification. I envisioned all kinds of somewhat disturbing new musical genres, two of which I labeled “Rap” and “Hip Hop.” Needless to say, I had a rather vivid imagination. And, I also had a plan.

By the year 1966, I had built the very first “Lloyd Thaxton Rock & Roll Road Show Time Machine.”

My mission: To travel 40 years into the future and gather a new top-40 hit list exclusively for, and relative to, the Baby Boomer generation (I also invented the word “Baby Boomers”).

On July 29th, 1966, I was ready to begin my momentous mission. Entering The Lloyd Thaxton Rock & Roll Road Show Time Machine, I set the dial to July 29th, 2006, exactly 40 years in the future and started the countdown at the number 40 (a totally symbolic gesture).

I held my breath as I pushed the “Go Go” button. With a loud roar, the Lloyd Thaxton Rock & Roll Road Show Time Machine dropped onto it’s specially designed turntable and started spinning at 33 revolutions a minute. After a few seconds it suddenly bumped up to 45 revolutions. When it shifted to 78 revolutions, I became quite concerned. Something was wrong. 33 to 78? I seemed to be going BACK in time instead of forward.

Then I heard a voice, ” Scotty. Beam him up.” I had never heard this expression before. Star Trek didn’t make its TV debut until September 1966. This turned out to be my first indication I was heading in the right direction. What I wasn’t sure of was landing in the right location.

Now “location, location, location,” is the most important part of this story. The Lloyd Thaxton Rock & Roll Road Show Time Machine landed smack dab in the middle of THE CANOGA PARK HIGH SCHOOL 1966 40 YEAR CLASS REUNION. Canoga Park High is in the Los Angeles San Fernando Valley. Because the school was close to the LT show’s studios, most of the 1966 class not only watched my show, but also had actually danced ON it. It was a perfect landing. NASA, eat your heart out.

I was stunned. As was the entire class of 1966 who were just sitting, starring with mouths agape. I knew they were asking themselves, “Who is this short white haired guy? Where did he come from?" “Hi,” I said. “I’m Lloyd Thaxton.” There was a long moment of silence and then everyone yelled, “SO WHAT!” I smiled. I knew I was truly in the right place at the right time.

I explained how I happened to be there and the purpose of my mission to establish a new Top-40 song list relative to Baby Boomers. “I’m going to start you off with five songs.” I said, "Come up with the remaining 35. There is only one rule. All Baby Boomer Top Forty Hits must relate to your way of life today. Though many of you still feel like it, you are not teen-agers anymore. So, absolutely no Rap or Hip Hop allowed."

And then I introduced my start-off list:

Number one: “Herman’s Hermits: Mrs. Brown You’ve Got a Lovely WALKER.”

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Number two: “Helen Reddy: I Am Woman, Hear me SNORE.”

MORE LAUGHTER - LOUDER APPLAUSE

Number three: “The Bee Gees: How Can You Mend A Broken HIP?”

THE ROOM WENT WILD.

Number four: “Leo Sayer: You Make Me Feel Like NAPPING.”

“One more,” I announced, “and you’re on your own.”

Number five: Roberta Flack: The first Time Ever I FORGOT Your Face.”

At that point the whole room started to spin. I realized that it wasn’t the room. It was The Lloyd Thaxton Rock & Roll Road Show Time Machine warning me it was time to go back to 1966.

During the pandemonium that followed, I yelled out “The rest is up to you Baby Boomers. Come up with at least thirty-five more.”

And then, to the tune of the Lloyd Thaxton theme, The Lloyd Thaxton Rock & Roll Road Show Time Machine was gone.

I hope my Baby Boomer fans will not disappoint me and always remember the date July 29th, 2006. I’m going to leave the comment section on this blog up and running for a while so you can post your suggestions for …

THE 2006 BABY BOOMER TOP FORTY

P.S. I know a lot of you might find it hard to believe any part of the above. If so, you would be so wrong. I most certainly did “appear” at the Canoga Park High School 1966 40-year reunion and I did read my list of songs. As for the Time Machine: well, it certainly felt like I had traveled forward in time. And thanks to my wonderful Canoga Park High School fans, it was a grand experience.

Now get going on that list.

And look for The Lloyd Thaxton Rock & Roll Road Show Time Machine coming soon to your neighborhood.

Stay tuned.

19 Comments:

Blogger Gary said...

Oh, this should be FUN!!!

The Beatles-I Want To Hold Your Cane

The Animals-House Of The Sleeping Teenager

Jan & Dean-Ride The Wild Freeway

The Turtles-Guide For The Divorced Man

The Yardbirds-Heart Full Of Burn

The Nashville Teens-Tobacco *cough/hack* Road

Jonathan King-Everyone's Gone To the Bathroom

The Shangri Las-I Can Never Go To The Home Anymore

The Rolling Stones-Let's Spend The Nap Together

The Byrds-Turn Turn Turn (but not too fast, I'm getting dizzy)

Okay, I'm done for now.....NEXT!!
Gary

6:38 PM

 
Blogger Lloyd Thaxton said...

Gary, those songs are great. And as you say, "NEXT!!"

How about ...

The Commodores: Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom?

Go go go go.

Lloyd

9:10 PM

 
Anonymous Jim said...

How bout :

James Brown : Paps Got A New Colostemy Bag !

The Electric Prunes : I Had To Much Metimucil To Drink Last Night !

Jay and Tthe Techniques : Apple, Peaches , Prune Pie !

Beach Boys : Help Me Rhonda ! Help Me Get Up Off The Floor !

12:57 PM

 
Blogger Lloyd Thaxton said...

Hey Jim:

Cool.

Really liked "The Electric Prunes : I Had To Much Metimucil To Drink Last Night !"
How about, "Marvin Gaye-I Heard It Through The Grapenuts?"

We're getting there.

Lloyd

3:24 PM

 
Anonymous dana m said...

Here's a few more ...

Supremes - Where Did Our Life Go

Ray Charles - Geritol On My Mind

Righteous Brothers - You've Lost That Close-in Seein'

The Who - I Used to See For Miles & Miles


The Kinks - All Day And All Of The Night (look for my glasses)

Four Tops - Reach Out, and hold on or You'll Be There (on the floor)

5:03 PM

 
Anonymous Jim said...

Hi Lloyd ; Here's some more :

Nancy Sinatra's: This Walker Is Made For Scootin

Bread : Baby I Can't Hear You

Johnny Nash : I Can't See Clearly Now

Esquires : Get On Up ( Off The Floor )

5:14 PM

 
Blogger Gary said...

How about these?

Donovan-Catch My Wind

John Fred/Playboy Band-Judy With Bad Eyes

Bobby Fuller Four-I Fought The Mother-In-Law

Spanky & Our Gang-My Life Will Never Be The Same

Steam-Na Na Hey Hey Kiss My Hair Goodbye

Gary

5:35 PM

 
Anonymous Janis said...

Forget song titles, how about musical acts? Such as...

The Dentures (Walk, Don't Run)

The Rolling Kidney Stones

The Neck Kinks

The Dixie Cup Samples

Junior Metal Walker & The Gall-Stones

Sunny & The Sun City Sunglows

The Hip Replacements

ENOUGH!!!

6:54 AM

 
Blogger bhone2000 said...

How about

The Troggs...."Mild Thing"

Herman's Hermits.."I'm Smelling you Now"

7:41 AM

 
Blogger Lloyd Thaxton said...

We can't leave out ...

"RINGO STARR - I GET BY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM DEPENDS."

You guys are on a roll. Forget a TOP FORTY. Let's go for the "2006 Baby Boomer Top ONE HUNDRED !!!!!"

Lloyd

10:57 AM

 
Anonymous DrBear said...

Otis Redding-Sitting at the doc's with my pay

The Stones - 19th Hip Replacement

Jam Up and Poligrip Tight

The Hollies - It Ain't Heavy, It's My Oxygen Tank

Simon and Garfunkel - Bridge over Troubled Dentures

CCR - Playin' in a Travelin' Bingo Game

Donny Osmond - Go Away, Middle-Aged Girl

11:16 AM

 
Anonymous jim said...

As Dick Lane ( Voice of the L.A. T-Birds ) use to say " WHOOOOOOOA NELLIE You Aint Seen nothin Yet !!! " Here's MORE :

Mamas and The Papas : Lesuire World Dreamin

Mitch Ryder & The Detriot Wheels : Granny With A Blue Dress On

SSGT. Barry Sadler : Ballad Of The Grey Berets ( 1st Chorus : Senior Citizens In The Sky .......LOL)

Im getting addicted to this !!!!!

12:46 PM

 
Anonymous Janis said...

How about....

The Beatles - Ballad of E. Pierce & Anna Nicole

Frank Ifield - I Remember Ike

The Kingsmen - Baba Looie Looie

Claudine Clark - E/R Lights

Marty Robbins - El Pepto

Bobby Rydell - Mild One

Beach Boys - Calistoga Girls

Bobby Darin - Artificial Hearts

2:32 PM

 
Blogger Gary said...

Here's more from my warped mind....

The Animals-We Gotta Get Outta This Old Folks Home

BTO-You Ain't Seen N-N-N-N- DAMN, my dentures are slipping!!

Billy J. Kramer-Little Grandchildren

Young Rascals-I Ain't Gonna Eat Without My Dentures Anymore

The Marvelettes-Don't Mess With My Medicare Bill

Steppenwolf-Born To Be Mild

Manfred Mann-The Mighty Squint

Jackie Wilson-Fiber And Fiber

The Drifters-Save The Last Polka For Me

Lesley Gore-I Don't Wanna Be A Snoozer

Herman's Hermits-No Tums Today

Rolling Stones-As Years Go By

Freddie & The Dreamers-I'm Yelling At You Now

Righteous Bros.-Colds & Perspiration

Paul Revere & The Raiders-Vicks

NEXT!!!!!!!
Gary

5:04 PM

 
Blogger bhone2000 said...

Herman's Hermits -- Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker

The Bee Gees -- How Can You Mend a Broken Hip

Bobby Darin -- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash

Johnny Nash -- I Can't See Clearly Now

Paul Simon -- Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver


The Temptations -- Papa's Got a brand new colostomy bag

Abba -- Denture Queen

Tony Orlando -- Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall

Helen Reddy -- I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore

1:52 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Peter Frampton-Baby, I'd Love a Toupee!

4:26 PM

 
Anonymous Jim said...

Hey Gary !!!...........YOU ARE WARPED !!!!!...........and all together now mouse clickers :

SO WHAT !!!!!! LOL.........Lloyd alot of kooks dwell here !!! And LOVE IT !

6:39 PM

 
Blogger Lloyd Thaxton said...

To Jim and all Mouse Cliquers:

I never believed that too many "kooks" spoiled anything.

As George W would say, "Bring them comments on!"

I'll be posting "The Baby Boomer Top 40" next.

The Puntificator

8:47 AM

 
Anonymous steve olson said...

I have been looking for Lloyd Thaxton info for quite a while, and I am thrilled I found this BLOG. I used to watch the Lloyd Thaxton show when I was but a young teen, and vividly remember the lip sych. One I remember just like I watched it yesterday, was "Cara Mia" where you were dressed with helmet, etc. I would love to watch reruns, I hope you put out the DVD you talked about. If you read this, drop me a line. Steve, 52 years, olsonsk@wah.midco.net.

5:29 PM

 

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