"MOM" SEASON (1) DISK (1) EPISODE (2)

NEW EPISODE

My wife, Barbara, and I have just finished watching Season 5 of the gut-grinding show "24." We always wait until the complete series comes out on CD and watch all 24 one-hour episodes in just six evenings. It is very exciting, but, alas, now we will have to wait one year to see Season 6. In honor of this obsession, I am going to shorten the name of my series, "Mansion of Mystery" to "MOM" and break down each drama to Season, Disk and Episode. Even though I created this tongue-in-cheek mystery for Mobil Oil back in the 70s, it has not been heard on radio for over 30 years. It's a wonderful treat for me to have this blog so that I can at least share the radio scripts with you at this time.


The Mansion of Mystery series stars Inspector Thomlason, Sergeant Twilly Girthborne and 131 of the most heinous killers imaginable.

Remember, the idea is to find the clue and solve the crime before the commercial break ends.

MANSION OF MYSTERY
The Case Of The Mad Doctor
c BLT Productions 1975-2007
All Rights Reserved

ANNOUNCER

It’s time for Mansion of Mystery.

SOUND: WOLF WITH A HERNIA HOWLS

ANNOUNCER

Time for another hideous crime that you, the listener, are invited to solve. Today … the CASE of The MAD Doctor.

SOUND: THUNDER (VERY LOUD – WOLF RUNNING)

ANNOUNCER

The scene is the office of Dr. Leeland Quail, Optometrist. Outside Quail’s window, Raymond Lampson’s body lies in a pool of blood, killed by a blow to the head with a heavy object.

Inside the office, Inspector Thomlason, who is investigating this hideous crime, studies Dr. Quail, his equipment and eye chart.

The Inspector speaks.

INSPECTOR

You are an optometrist, Dr. Quail?

QUAIL

Yes...Now if you’ll just read the first line Mr. Thomlason.

INSPECTOR

I’m not here for an eye test Doctor. I’m investigating a murder.

QUAIL

I’m sorry Inspector, but I don’t have my glasses on. I didn’t recognize you.

INSPECTOR

You stated you saw the killer from your office window. Did you have your glasses on then, Dr. Quail?

QUAIL

No I didn’t, but that didn’t matter. I’m near sighted and I could see him quite well. He was across the street. It’s you I can’t see.

INSPECTOR

You stated that the victim had just left your office.

QUAIL

Yes, Inspector. He came in for a check on his post surgery progress.

INSPECTOR

Post surgery, Dr. Quail?

QUAIL

Yes, I’m quite proud of that. Up till a month ago he was blind. I removed cataracts from both eyes. Mr. Lampson is a very lucky man.

INSPECTOR

Mr. Lampson is dead, Dr. Quail.

QUAIL

Oh...right...so he is. Sorry about that.

INSPECTOR

Can you identify the assailant, Dr. Quail?

QUAIL

Oh my yes. Tall, about six feet one. Very thin. Bright red hair and a small goatee.

INSPECTOR

You’re describing yourself, Dr. Quail.

QUAIL

Oh my, how silly. I was looking in that mirror. What a silly slip.

INSPECTOR

Your psychiatrist would call it Freudian, Dr. Quail, Freudian. You have been less than truthful. That is reason enough for me to arrest you for...MURDER!

SOUND: VERY LOUD CLAP OF THUNDER

ANNOUNCER

Well sleuths, This time the INSPECTOR caught TWO clues. Did you? We’ll help you after this.

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COMMERCIAL BREAK

OK, stop scrolling and try and figure out the answer. Remember, there are TWO clues this time. If you aren't sure, scroll back up and read it again. When you think you have the answer, scroll down and enjoy the ending.

Then let me know if you got it and how. This is the honor system. I'm really interested in how easy or hard these suckers are.

Next time, I'm going to leave the answer out and you'll be on your own.

Tick ... Tick ... Tick ... Tick ... Tick ... Tock!

You're time is UP!

--------------------------------------------------

ANNOUNCER

And now back to our mystery.

QUAIL

Just read the top line Mr. Thomlason.

INSPECTOR

Will you stop that nonsense? You are under arrest.

QUAIL

Oh I am so confused.

INSPECTOR

You made two mistakes Doctor. You said you were near sighted but could see perfectly clear far away without your glasses. A real optometrist would know it is just the opposite.

QUAIL

I’m far sighted?

INSPECTOR

You also said you removed cataracts from Lampson’s eyes. Optometrists are not surgeons. They only prescribe glasses. It was you who hit Mr. Lampson over the head.

QUAIL

Is he upset?

INSPECTOR

He is dead, Dr. Quail. D - E - A – D !

QUAIL

That’s not correct Mr. Thomlason. You definitely need glasses.

INSPECTOR

Will you stop that, please? I’m not reading the eye chart. I’m accusing you of murder.

QUAIL

But he found out I wasn’t a real optometrist. He recognized me. He remembered.

INSPECTOR

Remembered what, Dr. Quail?

QUAIL

I almost killed Mr. Lampson twenty years ago.

INSPECTOR

Twenty years ago?

QUAIL

I was a traveling salesman then. I sold him a bottle of youth pills, absolutely guaranteed to make him ten years younger.

INSPECTOR

And they almost killed him?

QUAIL

He was only nine.

SOUND: MUSICAL STING

--------------THE END--------------

To quote from the book, STUFF HAPPENS-AND THEN YOU FIX IT," Some get it. Some don't. Some will. Some won't. Those that do, do. Those that don't, don't.

Did YOU get it?

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Stay tuned.