NOBODY LIKES A BADMOUTHER

I’m not all that familiar with Britney Spears serious show business side. The only thing I really know about her is what I read while in line at the supermarket. And it all seems to be bad. Bad driver. Bad Drinker. Bad barber (“Just a little off the top please”). Bad dresser (“I see Paris. I see France. I don’t see Britney’s underpants”). And, a bad mother.

The only time I actually saw Britney perform was while sitting in an airport restaurant and she was on the TV. It was a music video and I thought she looked quite talented and sexy. She had all the famous Michael Jackson steps down pat and she was terrific. My first thought was that this person is going to be a big star.


What happened to this talented person?

It appears she might have succumbed to an extremely catchy malady, which preys on young performers called “Celebritymenandgitus.” This causes a celebrity to become bald and act ugly way before their time.



I can overlook most of her transgressions. Many a person has taken a fall and climbed back to redeem themselves (praise the re-hab). However, there is one thing that I cannot forgive. Britney Spears is a bad MOUTHER.

Now I know, the transgression I speak of happened some time ago on September 9, 2007, but I just can’t get it out of my head. It was the MTV Video Music Awards and, according to the reports, “she appeared aloof, uncertain of her moves and she was unable to convincingly lip-sync her own hit, “Gimme More.”

Years ago, the definition for the word, “lip-sync,” was “The mouthing of records.”

Thus I make my claim that Britney Spears problem is that she is a BAD MOUTHER.

Most of her fans are pissed that she was MOUTHING one of her songs in the first place. Chill out! There is nothing wrong with mouthing a record. You just have to be good at it.

I did it for years and no one wrote bad things about me. Of course I didn’t shave my head or force my kids to drive the car. However, I have to admit that many times I did leave the house without wearing panties. But, that was a guy thing.

And, I was a good mouther.

The biggest artists in the world mouth recordings. They do it on music videos, movies, concerts and TV shows. Why do they do this? Try this some time: jump rope and sing. Tough stuff. No one wants to hear a person trying to dance and sing who’s out of breath.

How many of you have wreathed in anguish listening to a celebrity try to sing the star spangled banner at a football or baseball game while 50,000 fans are holding their hearts trying to keep it from stopping. Whitney Houston's version of The Star Spangled Banner, sung at Super Bowl 25 in 1991, is considered the best ever done. She really nailed it. How? According to Wikipedia, she performed the song using a pre-recorded version. In other words, she mouthed it. If so, it didn’t take anything away from the performance. It was awesome.

CLICK HERE TO WATCH

However, Britney Spears’ recent bad mouthing reminded me of the comedian who had a recent nose job. He said, after blowing one of his lines, “I had my nose fixed and now my mouth doesn’t work.”

Britney Spears, you are a very talented young lady.


Your many fans are still behind you and you can still get your career back in sync. You can even keep on mouthing your records. But, whatever you do, don’t get your nose fixed.

Look what happened to Michael Jackson?

Stay tuned.

BETWEEN IRAQ AND A HARRIED PLACE

The purpose of my blog is “Stories and insight in the world of showbiz and beyond.” If you will bear with me on this one particular posting, I would like to delve a little further into the “beyond” category.

A couple of mornings ago, I was listening to a radio talk show host who was discussing how he felt about celebrities expressing their opinions about the war in Iraq. For the 4,345,567th time, this particular host really pissed me off. Why do I keep listening? The truth is out. I like to yell at my radio.

This radio host (you all know who he is) stated, with a hint of hissing sarcasm, that celebrities should keep their political opinions to themselves because, “they don’t know what the hell they are talking about.” He seemed to forget that he is no more than a radio talk-show celebrity himself; yet, he just keeps on talking the talk.

Regardless of what Mr. Talk-show host says, I, a charter member and Head Cheese of the World-Wide Celebrity Mouse Clique, hereby offer my opinion in this WAR of words. I offer this with absolutely no doubt in my mind that I know what the hell I am talking about.

The Iraq war has been going on longer than World War II and we are still trying to secure the beach. Wouldn’t you think that we would at least be in Paris by now?

Most of us admit that we are in Iraq because of a lot of really bad decisions. Unfortunately, the cat is already out of the bag, the horse is out of the barn, and Pandora has stepped out of her box. We just can’t put everything back by packing up and leaving; At least not without a good plan. And, heaven forbid, we cannot … CANNOT … choose anyone close to the same leaders who botched the first plan to make the new plan.

In a well run business, if the big boss makes enough mistakes, the owners not only toss out this person, but anyone who had anything to do with his or her mistakes. Unfortunately, our constitution is kind of murky on how we can make any quick changes. By the time any of this type of action passes through the courts, Election Day will already be here.

However, it isn’t too late to start making your voting list titled:

“WHO I DO NOT WANT RUNNING MY COUNTRY FROM NOW ON.”

Just about every republican now in power is on my list. Not that they are all bad guys, but, damn, we don’t want any of them back. There were a lot of nice guys on the Titanic crew, but would you want them at the helm of your next pleasure cruise vacation? It’s time for a crew change.

In “Pirates of the Caribbean,” the term “walk the plank” refers to a form of punishment where the bad guy is forced to walk off the end of a plank and drop into the sea.

In politics, the term "walk the plank" refers to a situation where leaders of a political party force rank-and-file members to make a potentially career-ending vote for the sake of party unity and passage of priority legislation.

The republican plank today is just a continuation of talking the same old talk and walking the same old walk and they’ve been walking on their plank long enough.

IT'S TIME TO PUSH THEM OFF

Stay tuned.